When It Comes To Baby Must-Haves, Why You Can’t Trust Even A Friend’s List
The first time I ever encountered a must-have list that I actually read and paid attention to was when I was pregnant with my first child. I didn’t really know a lot about newborns and what I would need to have, so I consulted a few online and baby-store lists of things I would need to have. Now I knew, of course, that the lists would have things I didn’t really need and would be biased towards buying more stuff, because stores of course are in the business of selling things. So I took the lists with a grain of salt and tried to sort out the important from the non-essential to figure out what I needed to prepare for our child.
But then I started asking my friends who had already had babies, for I figured that they would know what was really important since they’d been through it. And I made an interesting discovery - no two people gave me the same answers. There were, of course, some similarities between people’s answers, but there were a surprising number of things that people completely disagreed on. One would say that a swing was absolutely essential, and another would say it was a complete waste of money. Another would swear by the wipes warmer, another would ridicule it. I ended up more confused after asking people than I was to begin with.
And overall, what I learned is that there isn’t necessarily a must-have list. There were things we didn’t buy that we wished we had later, and there are things we did buy that were a complete waste - and there were things we used all the time with my son that two years later we never used at all with our daughter. I could give you my baby must-have list - and you’d probably think half of it was crazy if you have kids of your own. It is so personal and unique to each person (and sometimes, each baby!) that even your most trusted friends probably won’t have the same opinions about what is essential that you did.
So don’t just trust a must-have list. In any case, buy as little as possible and add to it as you go and find you have a need for it. Oh, and we never needed a wipes warmer. And my son loved the swing but my daughter never used one at all.
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June 19th, 2008 at 8:40 am
This is a helpful post for me! It’s still early in my pregnancy, but I’m already trying to figure out what in the world we’re going to need to acquire for Baby.
I don’t have a lot of space in our apartment, and I don’t want to have a bunch of unnecessary things here.
I’m going to try your approach: To keep it really simple at the beginning, and add things as we decide we need them.
June 19th, 2008 at 10:48 am
Totally Agree, having been through a similar experience with two VERY different kids. In retrospect (mine are practically grownups now), I would have insured we had the bare minimum for the first two to six weeks, then reevaluate. One of the most treasured gifts we received for our second baby was a box of thrift store baby clothes from my older one’s daycare provider. She was able to get several nice, practical pieces of clothing for -I’m sure- a small amount of money. Not only was it thoughtful, it is what opened my eyes to the possibility of second hand clothes, etc. for babies.
Looking back, as baby gifts I would now have wanted either gift certificates, plain old fashioned $, or even savings bonds/some sort of investment as gifts rather than a zillion cute clothes they never wore.
My Dad purchased shares in Vanguard’s Energy Fund way back when for both kids. You can imagine what they’re worth now!
June 19th, 2008 at 10:54 am
Great post! It’s so hard to know what you will and won’t want/need for a baby, especially with the crazy number of products available.
I don’t have kids (yet), but I always struggle with what to buy for friends having baby showers. I often end up with things like Target giftcards, or a gift certificate for something special for the mother (depending on the friend, this has been for a variety of things - spas, bookstores, etc). And of course, an offer to babysit anytime.
June 19th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
What I’m worried about (when the time finally comes in the next couple of years) is being over-showered with things we won’t need, and being seen as weird for wanting my kids to NOT have an excess of things–toys especially. And I want to stick with as much all-natural, organic, wooden toys, etc., which is not mainstream either–and I don’t want to seem like a picky or weird person for it either, but I don’t think that’s possible, given our culture.
One thing I know I’m not going to be shy about is asking that if someone wants to buy something for the baby, second-hand is definitely encouraged!
June 19th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
I always tell people to try things after your baby is born, instead of just buying everything. Someone bought us a bouncy seat - oldest daughter hated, younger one loved it. Older daughter loved the swing, younger one, hated it. I tell people to try to find someone who has one that you can borrow- if only for a day or two and just see if you like it. We did get a wipe warmer and loved it, because we lived in a cold climate. But now we live in the South, where it is very warm, so we got rid of it. We also never used a bassinet - my girls both loved sleeping in their crib, so we never got one.
Another money waster is that baby detergent. I do suggest buying it one time and washing things in it before you have the baby, but once you have them, start by just washing one of their things in the regular stuff. Chances are, there won’t be a problem. Of course, if you baby has sensitive skin, keep using it. I had a friend who was still spending a fortune on that stuff when her kids were 3 and 4 and they didn’t have sensitive skin.
One just needs to be very thoughtful on what money they are spending on baby! These times will be gone soon and so will all your money if you buy everything out there!
June 19th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Is it a necessity or a luxury? Did my grandmother/mother have one? That was my question. If Grandma didn’t have one it, I could probably do without it… altho some things are just so nice to have.
I would suggest tho dozens of burp rags…old towels, old diapers, old receiving blankets cut up… Seems you can NEVER have enough burp rags