I Enjoy the Idea of Some Things More Than the Reality
Did you ever crave something and then when you gave in to that craving, realize that whatever you really wanted wasn’t all that you’d imagined?
I have been running into that more and more as we’ve become serious about debt reduction. I’ve cut tons of things out of my everyday life that I used to occasionally indulge in, and as I’ve let myself have these things again once in a while, I realize that for me, they aren’t all they were cracked up to be. One thing I’ve gained from this debt reduction journey is learning to really enjoy the little things - to take them in and experience them. When I spend money, I want to feel like it was worth it. I used to buy things for the sake of buying them and not really take the time to enjoy whatever it is I bought. Now that I do take the time, I’ve found that I don’t enjoy some things as much as I thought I did - rather, I enjoy the idea of them.
For example, my aunt sent me $10 for my birthday. I thought a lot about what I wanted to do with it, and eventually I decided that I’d treat the family to lunch at Sonic. Sonic is a fast food chain that has nifty drinks and a few interesting menu items. I’ve been having cravings for food I didn’t have to cook, and I used to really enjoy Sonic, so I thought it would be a nice little treat. I did enjoy our lunch, but honestly, it was not all that amazing. I don’t know what I expected, but it was just typical fast food. Even my raspberry limeade wasn’t really that exciting. I think I’d built the whole thing up in my head so much that when I finally had it, I couldn’t help but be disappointed.
Now I keep thinking about Starbucks. Not necessarily the actual Starbucks, any coffee shop that makes yummy drinks would do. But I again think that I like the idea of a indulgent drink in a special cup much more than I really like the reality. I do like coffee, and I do like special cups. How much I like them is still to be determined, but I am pretty sure I don’t like them as much as I once thought I did.
Am I ruining things for myself by putting them off so long and building them up in my head? Or are there just a lot of things I thought I enjoyed more than I actually enjoyed them? Is there anything that you enjoy the idea of more than you enjoy the actual reality?
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April 23rd, 2008 at 6:52 am
Payday. You know, there is that anticipation… then a moment of great satifaction and a couple of online bill pays later it’s gone. Sure, its nice to see the numbers improve, but really all you can do is get pumped up for the next one. Do you ever feel that way?
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:55 am
For me, it’s any and all sweets. I will crave and crave and CRAVE chocolate, but then when I have some (after putting it off for days, lest I eat myself into chocolate delirium) it’s not all that good or exciting.
I used to work hard to convince my (now ex) boyfriend to see movies I had liked in the past. I would talk them up and up and he’d always tell me, “Don’t say anything good! I want to think that it’s crap so that if ends up being any good, I’ll be pleased.”
There’s a lesson to be learned there. Hope for the best, expect the worst? Yes.
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:28 am
Time away from my kids.
I can spend an entire bad day home with my kids and say I need a huge break and as soon as I get 30 minutes to myself I am bored and just want to hang out with my family again.
As for little indulgences, I don’t build them up too much. I just let them be there so my brain doesn’t explode from restricting for too long. It’s all a mind game for me to stay on track by allowing little treats.
April 23rd, 2008 at 7:34 am
I agree completely. This phenomenon has a name. It’s called “the hedonistic fallacy” and it is the psychological reason of why consumption will never make us happy (we just get used of it after a while). That is why I also recommend answering basic small needs which will help postpone the bigger more costly ones.
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:44 am
Pasta Bella! My family loves this restaurant. It has the most amazing sausage and peppers, served with hot fresh garlic bread knots, free when you sit down. And the food is mostly decadent and yummy. But, when we get there, we remember that the kids don’t particularly care for the sausage and peppers, and the food portions are SO big that we are never comfortable when we leave. It never quite lives up to the hype, even though we do love the place.
April 23rd, 2008 at 11:06 am
I actually got a tax refund this year so I promised my s/o we’d go out for dinner, I’m kind of craving a Chinese or even TGI’s, but I know they never live up to it, so it’s back to the local French restaurant that never fails to please.
April 23rd, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Sociologists might call it the “hedonistic fallacy,” but I call it “Beach Syndrome.” The beach seems like an awesome place to be, until you’re actually there.
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:00 pm
I think that’s true for a lot of things for me!
I meet up with friends once a month for hobbies that I do and I used to buy a significant amount on these days too. But now, I may buy one small item (budgeted for!) and then just hang out with my friends. I think I enjoy it more now that I don’t have the buyer’s remorse.
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:13 pm
For me, it’s paying to see a movie in theater. I go two, maybe three times a year with the kids. They still get a kick out of seeing a movie in the theater but the novelty is wearing off a bit. I’d much rather curl up on the couch with my husband and gather together with the kids and watch a Netflix disc on our TV.
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Well, today I was planning to enjoy the curry until I realized I left out the salt. Fixable but ick.
Date night can sometimes be the same way.
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:42 pm
I am the same way, especially with fast food. We rarely eat out, let alone fast food, but then when we give in, it is just so blah. We had KFC not too long ago, and as a rule, I do not like fried chicken. Why we decided to go to a fried chicken place, I don’t know. It was pretty much what I knew to expect- greasy and not tasty- but I had told myself it would be so good! I am learning slowly to stick to the things I know that I like- our favorite mexican place, the Melting Pot (for a special occasion only!), Wendy’s if I want fast food, but every now and then, I catch myself thinking “that place used to be so good. let’s go there.” We also tend to compare everything to places that we enjoyed eating at in a different city. That doesnt help much.
April 23rd, 2008 at 2:16 pm
I’m this way about things, too. I used to call it the “Clydesdale Theory.” Now I see it’s “hedonistic fallacy.” When I was a little girl, one night at dinner my dad mentioned Clydesdale horses. I asked what those were, and he described them to me. He said they had feet (hooves?) as big as dinner plates. I imagined a HUGE horse, really, really, REALLY BIG. When I actually saw a Clydesdale on TV by a person, I was utterly disappointed because–although Clydesdales are very large horses–no way did their size meet my expectations. I try to temper my expectations now.
April 23rd, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Ex-girlfriend, the idea > reality
I’ve always called it the “grass is always greener” theory.
Personally it was getting a ‘real job’ and not being a college anymore. I loved college, but after 12 grades, and then 4 years of enginnering classes getting a job seemed awesome. Not having to worry about work on weekends, no long nights, actually having money, etc.
Of course I’m working this coming weekend , and its probably going to be nights
After 9 months in the corporate world, I miss school.
Missing something (ex, fast food, school, sweets, going out, etc.) wipes away the blah and mediocre parts, and leaves the very best behind. Reality is usually just pretty average, nostalgia is always awesome.
April 23rd, 2008 at 6:18 pm
So many things. I was living overseas for the past couple of years and I missed–American junk food. In fact it has been irresistible to me since getting back. But once I have it, whether it be twizzlers or reese’s peanut butter cups, even dare I say it, the double chocolate Milano cookies, it is just okay. I got used to a very simple lifestyle abroad and now I don’t find myself missing things that were staples of my life before, like dinners or drinks out, far-away day trips, even new clothes… It is strange how making these lifestyle changes actually has an impact after a while.
April 23rd, 2008 at 8:35 pm
For me, it’s become eating out in general. I’ve been craaaaaving “out-to-eat” food this week, but I just keep telling myself that it’ll be a letdown, and not worth the money!! I smell the most wonderful things driving down restaurant row, but if/when I actually get to go out to eat, everything is just over-priced and not that special. My new rule is to only order things when I go out that I can’t/won’t cook myself. That way I’m not paying $8 for a burger I could make for $2.
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:09 pm
I think, once you live on a limited budget for awhile, the idea of things is far more enticing than the actual thing itself!
April 23rd, 2008 at 10:59 pm
I’ve got a quote from Dale Carnegie that sounds just right for this post: “Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.”
While I do fall into the trap of high expectations occasionally, I usually have low expectations of things, so I am happy when my low expectations are exceeded. Or, perhaps, I’m just a naturally happy person, happy to take whatever comes my way.
April 24th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Chinese take-out….I crave it until I can’t stand it anymore. I get it, and an hour later, I’ve forgotten that I ever ate!
April 26th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
I love this post & question! After thinking hard, I love the idea of knocking items off my to-do list, but the reality is that there’s always going to be something to take its place. Even though I love making lists, this is always a drag to me. Also, going on a tv binge. I don’t watch a lot, so I love looking forward to a few hours of just vegging in front of the boob tube. but I always feel really lazy and unsatisfied after I’m done!