Making My Brain Let Go Of Money
I am generally what I’d classify as a cheerful snowflaker. When I find some extra money through making more or saving more, I generally cheerfully snowflake it to our debts without much thought about what could have been if we didn’t have debt. Sometimes this is slightly harder than other times, but in general, I do okay with it. I think I can partially attribute that to the fact that before we earnestly started turning our lives around, any extra money that came in always somehow needed to help out with a bill or two, so I am not used to having disposable income anyway. And watching the debt numbers go down was positive feedback in and of itself that usually outweighed any discomfort I might have felt.
I’m finding however, that this time, with these car repairs, my brain isn’t letting go of the money as readily as I’d hoped. I’m having a lot of trouble letting go of this money in my head. Emptying out our savings accounts is giving me an actual headache. If I think about it too much, I feel sick to my stomach. And my brain isn’t readily adapting to the new reality of an emptied emergency fund and a temporary increase in debt. I can’t just let go and move on, I keep thinking about it and almost forgetting I have to give up all this money and it is driving me slightly mad.
Maybe that’s not such a bad thing. Maybe a little more pain is what I’ve needed. This process hasn’t been painless by any means but maybe it hasn’t hurt as much as it should. All I can do is strengthen m resolve and let go of what might have been.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Related entries for your reading pleasure:
January 8th, 2008 at 10:07 am
I also have a hard time spending money that I’ve tried so hard to save! When I had to empty my EF, I thought I was going to have a heart attack…but now I’m building it back (slowly)…but just remind yourself that you’d be in a really tough bind if you hadn’t been so diligent!
January 8th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
The tires are making me feel the same way. Cars sometimes seem like they just eat money.
However, I’m trying to feel grateful that we only have one car to get its oil changed, tires changed, gassed, etc.
January 8th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
You’re not alone in this feeling. I build up a savings account each year to pay my son’s college tuition, and it really hurts to empty it and write that check in August…even though that’s what it was for!! We become attached to those increasing (or decreasing for debt) numbers as a way to keep ourselves motivated, so we cannot help but feel bad when the numbers are moving in the “wrong” direction. But try to remind yourself that the emergency fund went for a good cause–an emergency. Take a deep breath. Go for a walk. Watch a good comedy. Then start again a few dollars at a time.
Best of luck.
- K.
January 8th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
I understand. I let money make my physically sick sometimes. I even dream about it. Last week when so many blogs and sites were posting about Net Worth it stressed me out. If you like, read what i posted on my take of net worth here (I am not self promoting but just wanted to point you in that direction): http://rainingchange-frugalisasfrugaldoes.blogspot.com/2008/01/i-see-other-blogs-are-posting-on-net.html
When I start to freak, I go back and read about what my Lifeworth is and I chill out a little bit. Its hard to let money go. It is so easy to internalize it. God doesn’t want that for us.
January 8th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
It is hard to let go of money that we’re saving for. It was hard for me to take money out of my “insurance/license” account at ING to pay my license plate tabs…even though that’s exactly what it’s for! I have to remind myself how much better off I am this year than last year, when I had to wait until just before they were due/payday to get it taken care of!
(My dad gets migraines when there’s a major expense. I now understand!)